


every other day i'm wondering (what's a human being gotta be like)

by Anonymous



Series: agender ranboo pog [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Agender Character, Chatting & Messaging, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Identity Reveal, Multiple Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Realization, a tiny bit but its there, afaik he hasnt expressed discomfort w his name being used, author is projecting, eret is like a cool older sibling for ranboo :), kind of????, lmk if im wrong tho, purely bc they change their name to ran so it wouldnt work to call them ranboo, ranboos irl name is used for the first half of this, they/them pronouns for ranboo, title from imposter syndrome by sidney gish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Alright. This is Ranboo, she’s my friend. I like her a lot, and I love and support her no matter what.” Ew, no. That’s not as bad as being a he, but it still sits weird in Mark’s mind, like a puzzle piece shoved into the wrong spot. He shakes his head, and Eret makes an affirmative noise.“What about… This is Ranboo. They are my friend. I like them a lot, and I still love and support them no matter what.”Oh.Oh, shit.
Relationships: Eret & Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: agender ranboo pog [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179737
Comments: 14
Kudos: 110
Collections: Fanfic Anonymous





	every other day i'm wondering (what's a human being gotta be like)

**Author's Note:**

> it's been 5 years since i wrote rpf and i vowed never to do it again but. g-d i cannot stop thinking about agender ranboo.
> 
> pls dont send this to any ccs, if ranboo expresses he is uncomfortable w this i'll take it down, etc etc

There is something wrong with Mark. He can’t place it, the feeling that curls in his chest like thorny vines, snagging on his heart every time he moves. He’s proud of how well he hides it, the cheerful, bouncy exterior he wears like a shell of armour whenever Tubbo calls him, whenever he’s filming with the other people on the SMP. 

  
  


Still, though. Once he shuts OBS and ends the call with Tubbo, or Tommy, or Wilbur, or whoever else he’d been talking to, he almost always finds himself curled in a ball on his bed, hugging a pillow tight to his chest like it’ll make the hurt go away. His phone provides the only source of illumination in the dark room, brightness turned down as he tries to find a way to express the pain that snags on his ribs when he breathes.

  
  


_ why do i not like being called a man _

_ why do i dislike my name _

_ what does it mean when i dont want to be a boy _

_ gender dysphoria definition _

_ how do i know if i have gender dysphoria _

_ who do i go to if i think im trans _

  
  


**_… Clear all search history?_ **

**_[confirm]_ **

**_… History deleted!_ **

  
  


-

  
  


A trusted adult. That’s what the sites that Mark visited told him. Talk to a trusted adult, someone who can work through what you’re feeling. He sure as hell isn’t going to his parents, not when he doesn’t even know how to describe what he’s going through. Phil and Wilbur are plenty nice, but he doesn’t think they’ll understand quite what he means. 

  
  


So, he clicks on Eret’s profile, opening their DMs with a shaky breath. Their icon stares back at him, the little green circle that indicates they’re online taunting him as he struggles to gather up the courage to message them. He types on and off for almost five minutes, before finally managing to hit send.

  
  


**Ranboo**

_ hey eret _

_ can we talk?  _

_ its nothing bad dw _

**The_Eret**

_ Ofc! _

_ Call? _

Mark doesn’t let himself think twice, hitting the button to call her before he can talk himself out of it. He doesn’t have his mask or glasses on, but he doesn’t really care. It’s not like they’d be able to hide the tired drawl in his voice, or how messy and clearly unwashed his hair is. Eret picks up, and immediately claps a hand over his eyes, looking away from his camera with a yelp.

  
  


“Ranboo, camera!” Mark laughs, leaning back in his chair. It’s sweet, how quick Eret is to protect his privacy, even though it’s just them in the call.

  
  


“It’s fine, man. I trust you not to leak my face reveal to twitter dot com.” That earns him a small laugh as Eret looks back at their screen, face softening as they take in his appearance. He knows the bags beneath his eyes are starkly visible, knows he looks like absolute shit. He half expects Eret to crack a joke about his appearance, but he doesn’t, instead just resting his hand in his chin as he watches Mark expectantly.

  
  


“So, what was it you wanted to talk about?” Mark pulls in a deep breath, and it flutters in his chest like a trapped bird, sticking in his lungs as he tries to form the words he wants to say. Eret is patient as he sighs, fiddling with one of the screws on his mic to avoid having to look up at her.

  
  


“How did you know you were… not cis?” He finally settles on. He dares a glance up at Eret, who looks startled.

  
  


“Oh. Oh! Oh, okay! Uh, it was a process, I suppose? I just… never felt connected to being a capital-m  _ Man _ , y’know? I wasn’t a girl, but I wasn’t a guy either, I just fell somewhere in between.” Mark nods slowly, chewing on his lips as he thinks over his next words.

  
  


“Do you know if… if some people don’t feel like anything? Not- not a girl, not a boy, not something in between. Just- nothing.” Eret hums thoughtfully, reaching off frame to retrieve a can of Coke, taking a long sip.

  
  


“Some people are like that too. There’s a few things that apply to it, but I’ve seen a lot of people use ‘agender’.” There’s a long pause, before he speaks again.

  
  


“Ran- Mark, is there a reason you’re asking me this?” Mark doesn’t know what it is about the question, but his face crumples as he nods, trying to wipe away the tears that well in his eyes before they can spill over, though his efforts don’t work. 

  
  


“Oh, kid.” Eret’s voice is soft, sympathetic, and Mark doesn’t even have the energy to point out that he’s only a few years younger than them. They coo something to him, though the exact words are lost in the staticy haze that settles over his senses, because he admitted it out loud, he admitted that there’s something different about him, so why does his chest hurt more than it ever has? 

  
  


It takes him several minutes to calm down enough to the point where he can choke out an apology to Eret. He’s probably wasting her time with this, crying into his hands as she offers comforting words to him, walking him through a breathing exercise until he gets his frantic, trembling breaths under control, scrubbing furiously at his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater. 

  
  


“Are you with me again?” Eret asks, and Mark shrugs, a humorless laugh slipping out of him. They nod, taking another sip of their drink.

  
  


“Okay, we can talk about figuring things out more, but first, do you still want to use he and him? And is- do you have a name you prefer over Mark, something else you’d like me to call you?” Mark shrugs again, running a hand through his (her? their?) hair, messing it up further.

  
  


“I dunno. I don’t like- being called a he feels wrong, but I don’t know what else to use.” Eret hums thoughtfully.

  
  


“Do you want me to try out something different on you? Like a- a tester sentence, referring to you with different pronouns to see how it feels?” Mark nods, not trusting the lump that threatens to resurface in his throat, chest aching at Eret’s patience and understanding.

  
  


“Alright. This is Ranboo, she’s my friend. I like her a lot, and I love and support her no matter what.” Ew, no. That’s not as bad as being a  _ he _ , but it still sits weird in Mark’s mind, like a puzzle piece shoved into the wrong spot. He shakes his head, and Eret makes an affirmative noise.

  
  


“What about… This is Ranboo.  _ They  _ are my friend. I like  _ them  _ a lot, and I still love and support  _ them  _ no matter what.”

  
  


Oh. 

  
  


Oh, shit.

  
  


Something must shift on his face, because Eret laughs softly. He-  _ they  _ can tell the older man isn’t mocking them, just chuckling at their sudden realization. As if the way they’re sure they went pale as soon as the realization hit them isn’t enough, Mark nods several times, almost frantically. That earns him another chuckle, and Eret nods back.

  
  


“Alright, they/them, then. Do you still want me to call you Mark?” They quickly shake their head again, because now that this little thing has come to light, there’s a flood of new information and revelations coming to light. They don’t want to be called Mark, because Mark is a  _ he _ and Mark is a  _ man  _ and they are not, but what  _ do  _ they want to be called?

  
  


“This is…” They start haltingly, frowning. “Okay, tell me if this is stupid but- a lot of people just use my channel name when talking about me, even now that my real n- my legal name is public,” They correct themselves, because Mark isn’t their real name, not anymore. “And I… kind of like it? I mean, maybe not  _ Ranboo _ , but I’ve seen some people shortening it to ‘Ran’, and I  _ really  _ like that one.” 

  
  


“Ran, huh?” Eret smiles. “That’s a good one, it fits you.” Ran bites back a smile at the rush of pride and joy that swells in their chest, momentarily stifling the brambles that have been choking the air out of their lungs for so long. They stay on call with Eret for almost an hour after that, chatting about this and that. Eret brings up the topic of neopronouns, promising to call Ran at some point and talk about them, see if there’s any they particularly enjoy, and Ran wholeheartedly looks forward to it. Eventually, though, Eret has to leave and get ready to start her stream. Before she does, she promises not to tell anyone until Ran is ready, and they believe her.

  
  
  


-

_ Agender flag amazon _

_ agender pride flag _

_ how to come out to best friend _

_ how to explain they/them pronouns to someone _

_ tubbo_ trans rights _

_ does tubbo support lgbtq+ _

  
  


**_… Clear search history?_ **

**_y/n_ **

**_… History deleted!_ **

**Author's Note:**

> RANBOO W NO GENDER WHAT CRIMES WILL THEY COMMIT
> 
> more from this 'verse coming soon bc i have so many thoughts


End file.
